A mass of contradictions, if you will. What I'm just having issues with is what I read and think about getting into my main conscience and making it change my thoughts on certain things.
I just spent like 20 minutes reading anonymous gossip about Demi Lovato. How she drinks, smokes, and has sex with people and all that shit. And for some reason, I was like, Aw, Demi, how could you? But then, I think, oh wait...I drink on occassion. And smoke....well....certain things every so often. Maybe that two year difference really is so intense.
But then I was thinking about my conversion about music with Selena. fucking selena. grrr...
But whatever. I always read the shit about Jac Vanek, and scene queens. The kinda annoy me. I mean, I really hate when they are so connected with John Lennon and the Beatles. I am so fucking protective of the Beatles(and Alice) that like, it is a privilege if I still like you if you like Alice or the Beatles. Fucking Jac wants to name her firstborn Lennon(among other things...Holden, Sirius, etc). And I went, fucking scene queen bitch!
But she probably is a nice person. And I enjoy her "trainwreck" bracelet. Because I'm a speeding trainwreck in slowmotion(patenting that shit, because I like the way it sounds). And I kinda want it. Do I get it? Hmmm....
Really, I have issues with wondering what people will think of me. On the internet nonetheless. None of my real friends give a flying fuck who Jac Vanek is, or "scene" or any of this shit. Yet it bothers me. hmmm.....
I have issues with being accepted. No duh. I really need to get over "scene" shit and not liking it because it's scene. I've decided I need to live by the "if its cute, I 'll get it" no matter what other people think.
I also think there's a part of my who is jealous of the scene thing. God, I'd love to spend a summer off on a tour with my favorite bands, my favorite people, just fucking around, drinking, goofing off. Who the fuck wouldn't? I guess I am jealous. Oh well.
But I don't think I can forgive Jac for stealing the Lennon thing.
I have NO fucking clue where this blog was headed, or is there a direction to it AT ALL. But that's me, right?