Tuesday, March 24, 2009

One Year.

I don't really blog a lot anymore...my life gets a bit chaotic...and yeah, I'll try to do better.

I obviously had to blog today. A year ago, my Nana passed away. I remember a lot of this day. I remember Spanish class and doodling on my paper about getting Jonas tickets. I remember getting the call. I remember a friend being online saying, "Please God, let Ali get good tickets." To which I replied, "Tell him to take care of my Nana too." It was a horrible segue. But that's how I am. I remember crying more the next day when I couldn't get good Jonas seats. I remember bawling in July during A Little Bit Longer and missing her. I remember getting a text on my way to my uncle's for after-funeral services saying we got great seats to Jonas. I remember wearing yellow eyeshadow to the funeral, and it smeared off before the service started. I remember my mom fall apart. I remember thinking about the last time I had been at the funeral home. My sister was pregnant. She now had a year old son. I remember going with her the day before the funeral to see my Nana. So we wouldn't be shocked when we saw her the next day. I can't remember what my Nana looked like. I really can't remember her when she was really sick. I can remember the whole hospital room but not her. I remember thinking my Nana waited to see my brother, his future wife and daughter before passing away. I remember Sam stepping up to the plate and being the amazing friend she's always been. I remember my cryptic messages on facebook I wrote. I remember refusing to take off the picture of me and her at Christmas down. Everyone had pictures from Jonas. I kept hers up. I remember doing stupid stuff during the time she was in the hospital. I remember getting Webkinz for her and my niece. I took the code off my Nana's and made it online. I named it Nana. I remember being in the hospital when Heath Ledger died. I remember getting lottery tickets. I remember somehow functioning during school. I remember missing a lot of classes because of false alarms. I don't remember the last thing I said to her. I don't remember exactly when I last saw her. I think it was the Friday before. I remember being on the phone with my mom, and I was almost nonchalant when my roommate came in and I whispered, my grandmother died. And she gave me a hug. I remember smoking for the first time the night my Nana died.

I wasn't emotional when I started this. Now I am. It's hard to remember all those things.

RIP Nana. 8.26.27 - 3.24.08 I'll always miss you.

1 comment:

Sam said...

awww i know how tough it is to remember stuff like that. if you want to talk honestly call me :)
i'm always here for you. i love you tons and tons and tons. i pry could write tons many more times, but that might be embarassing... lol. anyways anything i can do to be there for you, you know my number. call ME BEEP ME IF YOU NEED TO REACH MEEE.
oh wow. that's even more embarassing going into the Kim Possible theme song. lol