One Year.

I don't really blog a lot anymore...my life gets a bit chaotic...and yeah, I'll try to do better.

I obviously had to blog today. A year ago, my Nana passed away. I remember a lot of this day. I remember Spanish class and doodling on my paper about getting Jonas tickets. I remember getting the call. I remember a friend being online saying, "Please God, let Ali get good tickets." To which I replied, "Tell him to take care of my Nana too." It was a horrible segue. But that's how I am. I remember crying more the next day when I couldn't get good Jonas seats. I remember bawling in July during A Little Bit Longer and missing her. I remember getting a text on my way to my uncle's for after-funeral services saying we got great seats to Jonas. I remember wearing yellow eyeshadow to the funeral, and it smeared off before the service started. I remember my mom fall apart. I remember thinking about the last time I had been at the funeral home. My sister was pregnant. She now had a year old son. I remember going with her the day before the funeral to see my Nana. So we wouldn't be shocked when we saw her the next day. I can't remember what my Nana looked like. I really can't remember her when she was really sick. I can remember the whole hospital room but not her. I remember thinking my Nana waited to see my brother, his future wife and daughter before passing away. I remember Sam stepping up to the plate and being the amazing friend she's always been. I remember my cryptic messages on facebook I wrote. I remember refusing to take off the picture of me and her at Christmas down. Everyone had pictures from Jonas. I kept hers up. I remember doing stupid stuff during the time she was in the hospital. I remember getting Webkinz for her and my niece. I took the code off my Nana's and made it online. I named it Nana. I remember being in the hospital when Heath Ledger died. I remember getting lottery tickets. I remember somehow functioning during school. I remember missing a lot of classes because of false alarms. I don't remember the last thing I said to her. I don't remember exactly when I last saw her. I think it was the Friday before. I remember being on the phone with my mom, and I was almost nonchalant when my roommate came in and I whispered, my grandmother died. And she gave me a hug. I remember smoking for the first time the night my Nana died.

I wasn't emotional when I started this. Now I am. It's hard to remember all those things.

RIP Nana. 8.26.27 - 3.24.08 I'll always miss you.