Dear Computer

Dear Computer,

I hate you. You suck. Why do I waste two hours on a wallpaper just for you to fucking close? You are a bitch. Could you properly work and not piss me off? Kthxbye.

Can I Marry My Nails?

I'm pretty sure it's impossible, but yeah. Ah, I love them. Got them done today and they are majorly cool. I mean, so cool that yeah, I want to marry them. Its probably illegal in almost all the states. Maybe Vermont or Massachusetts lets it go. I did see that Family Guy episode where Adam West went to marry his hand. So maybe. Who knows?
Today is my first of many Pimpin' Out places. :) I'm pimping out the best nail place ever. Crystal Nails. And no, this isn't in hopes that they'll give me free manicures for a year. :) But yeah, if you all like to get your nails done, go there. They are so cute. Plasma screen tvs, and comfy chairs, and awesome work. The one even does killer work without a top of a finger! Ha, this is fun.
So, thus ends my first pimping of a place. Yeah, I am just that cool.

It's Jonas Fair.

I had been aiming to make a pun with that. Like, it's just no fair. But it's jonas fair. The two kinda sound alike. Alright, yeah, I completely messed that joke up. Nevertheless...

The Jonas Brothers played Wango Tango somewhere in the world. I just don't keep up with those things. But I was told to look at the pictures from it. And then I see that picture, up above. And goddamn it. I know it would be impossible for me to say, date, marry, or even meet the Jonas Brothers. I know it, you don't have to tell me another time(which would make it like, the bazillionth millionth time). I can't help it, I want to dream. I mean, Kevin Jonas is just a hot ball of something. And wow, would I like to do some censored things to him. Of course, I'd have to wait, even if I got a chance to be with him. That whole purity thing. That's alright. I'm all for it. I'll wait. And then, that night....well, you know.

But I digress. This is just a little venting of how unrealistic people can think, and the whole deal with hot celebrities. I've played a hundred scenarios in my head about how I'll become famous, and whatnot. I do eventually hope to have my writings published, but even that turns into one of those damn pipe dreams. You know, I blame Mr. Hershey, my 11th grade teacher for giving me a crappy name for those dreams. Couldn't they have just been dreams? Why the hell does there have to be pipes involved? Whenever I think of them, I think of those pipes Mario and Luigi jump down in those videogames and they end up in a filthy ass bar in which Tony Danza is the bartender. Now why put all my good dreams stuck in there? I feel like I'm in the corner of that bar, making out with Kevin Jonas. I'd probably move and get a rusty nail jabbed in me, and need a tetanus shot and then I gotta leave, and go back to the cruel real world, and pay a shitload of money in hospital bills because George Bush doesn't care about Pipe Dreamers.

PlayGoth Playmates

Now, if any of you actually know me, you'll know I enjoy Playboy. Not like, enjoy. But rather, I'm a fan of the bunny. I love the show the Girls Next Door, and that bunny is just so awesome. I've been to the Playboy stores in Vegas, I've purchased a Playboy, I have numerous, numerous merchandise of the bunny, and I own every season of the GND. I loved going into Spencer's, where the perverse rejoice, and I buy my stash of Playboy. They have blankets, jewelry, purses, wallets, bar stools. You name it, you got it. This was perhaps the only store that had a lot of merchandise for the bunny. Then, Deb started selling socks. Yeah, I was cool with that. I got a ton of cheap socks. And Charlotte Russe put in some clothes, which I didn't mind, since now I could have a jacket that was Playboy without spending a hundred dollars at the PB store. And now, Hot Topic is selling stuff.
So what exactly is my beef? I mean, I love Hot Topic. I buy a ton of stuff from there. But so does every single other teen who is fake emo and pretends that no one understands them. I go in there to find random shirts and Alice in Wonderland stuff. They go in to be against the norm, when, in actuality, they are becoming the norm. So once again, why am I so mad?
Well, every stupid teenager that I hate will be wearing Playboy. I liked being one of the only. The awkward girl who wore her Playboy tshirt in pride. The one who her roommate convinced a guy that I worked for Playboy and have done "Videos." Now everyone and their loser cousin will be buying "Playboy Exposed." Um, excuse me, but how much more exposed can Playboy get? Yeah, exactly my point.
Stupid Hot Topic. Stop selling this stuff. You've turned everything that I like into something everyone else loves. And they weren't even into it when it wasn't cool! Argh. I guess Playboy will now die off like Pirates of the Caribbean, any Superhero movie, any 70s, 80s, or 90s cartoon did when they hit Hot Topic. They are really cool for like, ten minutes. And then Hot Topic kills them.
Murderers.

Dear Contradictory Bitch

Dear Contradictory Bitch(not to be confused with Undisclosed Bitch),

I like what I like. I do what I do. I do not need a negative comment on everything I say. If I wanted that, I'd ask. Don't judge me worse than I judge myself. You make me feel like crap about everything. You make me feel like nothing. And contrary to popular belief, I am more than nothing. So back off, or I'm gonna give you your own medicine. An annoying negative comment on every goddamn thing you say. K Bye.

Sincerely,
Lover of all that you hate.

Wanted: The Perfect Man

So, my brother's wedding is in.....uh, a few weeks we'll say. And I got the dress, got the outfit, all that jazz, but then I just keep forgetting. Um, I have a guest ticket thing. And who to take? Well, let's look at all my options:
Bachelor #1: Creepy Stalker Cafeteria Boy.......enough said. NO.
Bachelor #2: Mr. Perfect(ly Invisible)...... No one will believe me if I brought him. Or see him.
Bachelor #3: Legolas Cardboard Cutout. Yeah, he doesn't bend well. And not very talkative at all. Sigh.

I could hold out for a JoBro, or someone so absolutely perfect, but as we all know, those people simply don't exist. Or they have been hiding from me. They probably have a group, the Perfect Men Club, and their goal is to torture people who are desperately in search for them. They just like to tease. Curses. I'll have to find their meeting place. It can't be that hard. Right? Maybe I'll just stalk the Jonas Brothers. They have to belong to it, I'm sure of it.

SO, if you or any of your friends know a wonderful date for me for my brother's wedding, Contact Me. Just like comment. Then I'd know if people were reading. I feel this blog is lost in the blogstraphere. Just out there, chilling in some secluded corner, marching to the beat of its own drum. And staring at all those popular blogs. Pfft.

Hm, didn't know blogs were just like high school. That really shouldn't surprise me.

That's right, I'm an American version of Miss Tila

According to UrbanDictionary.com, Ali means the American version of Tila Tequila. Isn't she American already? Either way, I'm pretty sure I'm not a dwarf hoe. If I am, please tell me, because I had no idea. Also, Ali is that person that stands next to you, stares and makes you mad uncomfortable. Now I can see that that is me. I do like to just stand around and freak people out. I just look around, and do those quick glances. Then, finally, when the person is like, "What the fuck is your problem?" I'm just like, "Oh my gosh, when did you get here?" Then I just walk away. Yeah, those are some good times. I've freaked out numerous people.

Either way, Ali's definition is better than Alexis. Alexis gives good head, and gets drunk, stoned and high all at the same time. First off, um.....yeah, again, I really do not think that is me. I hope not. There are a few nights where I've blacked out. If you have any information on those nights, please inform me. I lost a shoe one time. And I really miss it.
Second, um, I was under the assumption high and stoned was the same thing......Is it like high is the pot version of drunk, and stoned is the pot version of plastered? Because, either way, how can you be both? I don't know. I guess I'll have to try that out. Excuse me while I go smoke.

What. A. Hoe.

This, my friends, is Tila Tequila. She's a dwarf-sized hoe-bag. She has a tv show where doofus guys and scary girls who could kick my ass fight over her. It's pretty entertaining actually. They eat pig vaginas, and search for blue balls, and go to prom, and get keys to her "heart"(i.e. you know what). Bobby got it before, but Tila is a fame whore so she dumped his ass and got a second season. That laugh is infectious....No, really, I think you can get an infection from it. That would be the safest thing to get from Tila.

That cover says, "Aren't you in love with me yet?" Why yes, Tila I am. I'm so in love that once I hit 21, I will be all over A Shot At Love 7. Oh yeah, that one will be the one. Then, if I don't win, my kids will probably try out. She'll still be on tv I'm guessing.

Lastly, look at the side. JONAS BROTHERS. Now, dang it, I'm gonna have to buy that magazine. Wonderful. The weird magazine dude will stare at me as I'm buying it just like when I asked if they had the new Playboy the one time. Awkward I must say. Now they'll definitely think I'm a taco lover....Well, if it has the right sauce......wow, that was just disgusting. I am sick.

Dear Miley and Mandy

Dear Miley and Mandy,

You suck. Stop making crappy videos. Stick to Hannah and being Hannah's back-up dancer. Fifteen year olds should not be as whory as you. Twenty year olds should not want to voluntarily hang out with fifteen year olds. Stop making videos. Your voices are horrible. I watch up from my worst nightmares in a cold sweat hearing Miley's horrible honking noise. I cry then. I really do. Why do you make me cry? Why do I deserve to be in such pain just because you live? Mandy - find a cliff and dance down to the bottom. Then, proceed to die. Miley - crawl back into your Tennesse cave where a proper exorcism can be performed and the goodie-goodie can come back. I'm sick of Slutty Miley.

Sincerely,

BiggestHannahMontanaFan_01!
(yes, I do love Hannah Montana.....no, that isn't my real name. I wish.)


P.S. Stop making stupid Hannah episodes - time travel? Come on, are you that desperate??

Evil Rooms.

So, this is a post to say how much I hate my room. It's a big mess. If only I could just magically send it all to my other messy room, I would be so happy. I still have to do way too much. I hate the end of the year. I should be studying; instead I'm stuck cleaning up my room...fucking A. Oh well, I'll just flunk my test tomorrow. Or at least bullshit it quite well. I think I can make up a lot of stuff under pressure. I've done it before, and I'll do it again. Oh well.

Looking at the photo, I really miss the Beatles. They seemed like so much fun. I wish I could have chilled with them. That would be a righteous time. Hells yes.