Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Tell Me Something I Don't Understand: Selena's Song

Dear Selena,

So. We have a lot of things we gotta talk about here. I've been having some beefs with you lately. So let's get down to business, shall we?

First off, I really hate that your singing is bunched in with Miley Cyrus' and Demi's. Okay, so you can sorta sing. I can too. But I mean, when I listen to Demi or Miley, I can actually hear how awesome they are. You on the other hand, are way too computerized. It bothers me. It really does. I mean, who told you you could sing? I sure as hell didn't.

Speaking of singing, wtf is up with your song? Seriously, tell me what it is about. I dare you. Because I cannot make sense of the damn song. Is it about being famous? Or some stupid guy? Please tell me. Because I just can't figure out what the fuck it's about. It's catchy as hell, but it makes no sense.

Another thing: you're not rock and roll. Like, is your name Hayley Williams? No. Stop attempting. I mean, I know I'm not, and I don't claim to be. I just try to be myself. Like, don't take this the wrong way, because I love your style, but sometimes you just try too hard. There's so many photos of you doing these rock and roll things, and question(I totally Shrute'd that): can you play an instrument? I'm not sure you can. Just be your goddamn self. Sometimes I wonder how you and Demi are such close friends. She's pretty true to herself, and has been through the rough times. She doesn't hide from herself anymore. You, my dear, are simply a poser.

Oh yeah, and wtf is up with you and Nick Jonas? I know you're not dating him. You're dating your onscreen brother, or cousin. I'm pretty sure there's some incest going on in your family. Sorry. Shouldn't you be pregnant by now? Your mom was. I mean, don't you dare still that Mop Top Cutie's virginity and get your eggo preggo. Because if you do, I'm pretty sure every teenage girl will hunt you down. I would.

Overall, recently you've just been bothering the shit out of me. Don't get me wrong, you probably are a really sweet and cool girl, but I just feel like Demi is simply more real than you, hell, even Miley is more real than you. Idk.


The girl in the sorta empty NYC bus that screamed "Selena" really loud at the thought of seeing you. Now, not so much.

P.S. Give back Nick's shirt, or tell me where you got it. I want it.
P.P.S. Who's the happy creeper in that pic?

1 comment:

Sam said...

okay so isn't that the shoulder David Henrie is supposed to have his tat? like shouldn't we be able to see it in the picture?????
and i know that song is just really catchy and she does sound really weird in it. but i really like the song. gosh.