I just got it. It's this like, "oh fuck" moment. When you go, shit, I'm not doing what I planned. When you feel ill to think about all around the moment. It's this stomach drops, pitless moment where you feel like, you're finishing last in a race you didn't know you were in. In some stupid competition you didn't know existed. I don't know the last time I felt this. But I just got it. It especially sucks getting it in the middle of the night when you know you can't do anything. It's like, someone's taken the moment you wanted. And you have no one to blame but yourself.
It's supposed to be me.